June 3rd, 2002

hell's kitten

retainers

Hehe...this is from here.

Retainers are frickin disgusting. I've had this thing in my mouth for only 3 days now and it already stinks like something dying. And it's plastic! Plastic can't die! We've all seen the commercials, plastic saves lives, quite the opposite to dying. So why does it smell so? It's not like my breath is bad either, I've even started checking. I'll go up to a friend and go "Hey man, does my breath stink?" And then blow in their face. They always say, "Nah, not at all," except for that time I did it right after eating a tuna fish and Doritos sandwich. Mmm...I love Mexican. I have to wash this son of a bitch in Efferdent more often than I trim my ass hairs, which is extremely often, by the way.

And why the hell do you even have to wear a retainer? I wore an iron grill across my teeth for 3 years, just so that I could wear a smell plastic one for even longer?! They didn't give me a timeline on this shit yet, but I overheard them talking to a guy I know about it. They said that when you first get it, you have to wear it all the time for about 6 months to a year. After that you only have to wear it at night...get this...for the REST OF YOUR LIIIIIIIIIFFFEEEEEE. I thought the boldness + italicness would add dramatics to that otherwise cliche line. Retainers are stupid.




For me, it was four years...
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    adema - the way you like it
hell's kitten

(no subject)

Okay, on the radio, they have these little contests occasionally. There's one called "name that tune" which is pretty self-explanitory. a few days ago, they played one by the muffs. all you have to do is guess who the band/artist is (and guess correctly, of course) and you win something. two guesses that really had me baffled were sugarcult and green day. how the FUCK can anyone confuse the muffs with green day or sugarcult???????? can anyone explain that????
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    Only The Good Die Young - Me First and the Gimmie Gimmes
hell's kitten

skittles

This is pretty funny...probably written at 3am after too much caffeine...

Recently I discovered that Skittles have replaced their Lime flavored skittles with green apple skittles! Green apple, which used to be considered an unorthodox candy flavor, but have gotten a lot more popular after those lolli pops that had the mealworms inside of them. You know the ones, they were rectangular shaped, and came in either green apple or tequila. Personally, the tequila was really tasty, made me feel great too! And frankly, these new green apple skittles are pretty tasty, especially compared to those old lime ones.
Now don't get me wrong, before the green apple ones came out, my favorite skittles were the lime ones. But there's just something about the whole newess and the tangyness of these green apple skittles that makes me say "Screw the lime, gimme more green apple!" Normally I hate green apple, well, the actual green apples. Can't stand em, too sour for me. But when the green apple flavor is transformed into candy, all of a sudden it tastes a lot better. And in these skittles it tastes BETTER.

Besides, it was really time for a change anyway. The lime ones have been around since skittles were invented, whenever that was. Way before America was invented I'd bet though, so we're looking at a few dozen years, around there. Although these green apple skittles are fresh and delicious, they also present us a real problem. Now we have the lemon skittles flying solo, and this is simply not allowed in most civilized cultures. It is a very rare occassion where you see a lemon without a lime for its partner. I'm not sure why, I think it has to do with the sourness of the lemon and the sweetness of the lime, combining to make a citrus explosion that few can resist. Sprite just wouldn't be sprite without the lime. And neither would be all those other lemon lime combination things that I can't seem to remember right now. So what do we do with the lemon skittles who no longer have the lime? We have a skittle imbalance, and this is a dangerous thing for candy eaters everywhere!

My idea is to just go and replace the lemon ones too. They're just as tired as the lime ones, so you might as well shove them on their way to retirement. And of course, you can't have lemon without lime, and there's no way I'm letting them bring the lime back now that green apple's in the house. So, replace the lemon with either pineapple or pina colada. Or tequila. Either would be an excellent choice. Are you guys at Skittles writing this down? Or are you too busy eating green apple skittles...oh I bet you are, I know am!

Come to think of it, get rid of the purple ones. I never really cared for the purple ones. Put in eggplant flavor instead. No...that's a bad idea, I'm sorry. I'm just not thinking clearly. It must be the tequila.

Things are not going the way I would have hoped down at Skittle land, unfortunately. No, there will probably never be tequila flavored skittles, and I fear that the green skittles are coming to an end. They barely got a chance! You see...Skittles has a poll on their green appleized web site about whether to keep the green apple or to bring back the lime. And would you believe it, LIME'S WINNING! Don't they realize that LIME'S OLD! Come on! Don't you people wanna be hip and trendy! Green apple's in, lime's out!

I urge you to go to the Skittles website which can conveniently be found at www.skittles.com and if you are feeling the green apple like I am, vote for it! Green apple needs you! Make sure that old guy, lime stays away. Nobody likes an old guy ruining a party full of sexy young people. And you want to be sexy don't you?! Of course you do! Vote for green apple, because there won't be recounts if he loses.
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    Lucky - Digger
hell's kitten

skittles part 2

Followup to the skittles post...this guy is insanely hilarious.

For the past half and hour or so I've been falling in and out of consciousness. It's incredibly hard to focus at the moment, but I feel like I must write, so it might sound a little weird. Of course, I'll read it later once I'm more together to see if this makes any sense what so ever. I was up way to late last night and up way to early this morning. I drank 4 cans of Mountain Dew so far, and 2 cups of coke, but I'm still dragging. I'd hate to think what I would be like without the aid of drugs. Well, drugs is kind of a harsh word, let's call them "synthetic stimulating substances".
After doing my rant on Green Apple skittles it came to mine and my friend Sara's attention that it tastes nothing like green apple. As I mentioned in that rant, somewhere in the process of turning green apples into candy, the taste gets altered into something much better. Sara says it's because it's not actually green apple, it's synthetic green apple. And if my mind is working correctly at the moment (which I'm pretty sure it isn't), synthetic means FAKE. Well actually, it means made by man in a laboratory and then tested on rats, but FAKE is close enough. Normally I hate fake things, but for some reason, fake flavor tastes pretty damn good.

This applies to almost all synthetic flavors. Think about strawberry, watermelon, and grape flavored candies for example. They have the very faintest rement of fruit flavor, just enough that you can recognize it, but for the most part, it tastes totally different. It's like the sweet flavor of the fruit, extracted, and then amplified about a kajillion bazillion times. And then they add a ton of liquid sugar.

I think the reason why fruit flavored candy is good and average fruit is not as good is simply because candy tastes better. If they were exactly the same, why would you buy candy? So obviously they had to make it different and better. And I think the only real reason we associate these flavored candies with fruit flavors is because that's what it says on the wrapper. Other wise we'd just say "Well, this tastes like something sweet and fruity tootie. A little different than that other sweet and fruity tootie tasting thing I had in my mouth before."

My dog just licked my hand. I friggin hate it when she licks my friggin hand.

I bet that if the candy industry changed their ways to make candy taste like real fruit people would start eating candy a lot less. In fact, I know this. Look at all those organic candies. A friend of mine's mother is huge on that organic bull, so everything in their house is pure organic. It's pretty disgusting, I'm surprised my friend hasn't killed himself yet. And I'm equally surprised that the organic stuff hasn't killed him yet. In any case, one time I grabbed a piece of candy out of their candy jar and put it in my mouth and it was the most disgusting candy I had ever had. Isn't that an oxymoron? Disgusting candy, well if it isn't yet, I just invented it and that means somebody owes me some money. Where's the money?! SHOW ME THE MONEY!

So anyway, this organic candy tasted like real fruit and it tasted horrible! You see, if you try to directly translate fruit flavor into candy without adding all kinds of preservatives, chemicals, and other poisons it just doesn't work. The flavor gets all screwed up and just tastes bitter and organic. And let me assure you, anything that has the taste of "organic" is immediately doomed. It's a good thing there are weirdoes out there that believe that the aluminum in toothpaste will give you Alzheimer's and that the ground up rabid rats in hamburger will send you into convulsions, otherwise all those organic farmers would starve! They'd be left with nothing but that rotten candy of theirs and they'd finally be forced to pay for giving candy a bad name.

My ribs hurt for some reason, though, and I think it has to do with either all the Mountain Dew I drank or the massive amount of green apple skittles I've eaten lately. They probably had a bad chemical reaction and are eating me from the inside out. That's another thing, synthetic flavor just doesn't make candy what it is, it makes soda too! Mountain Dew is supposed to have the flavor of mountain dew I guess, but it sure doesn't taste like it. Dew tastes like water most of the time, unless you happen upon a patch that a dog likes to hang around. Mountain Dew tastes like citrus something I guess, even though it really doesn't. I'm not even sure about the taste, and that's because it's synthetic! Same with grape and orange Minute Maid, Sprite, Cherry Coke, and any of the other crazy flavored sodas out there. They don't taste like they say they taste...they taste like synthetic fruit! That's why we drink them, and that's also why our teeth fall out so early.

There must be a better reason for synthetic fruit flavor tasted so much different than real fruit flavor besides "because it's synthetic". That just doesn't seem to cut it for me, and I doubt it cuts it for you too, my able minded readers (well, that goes out to the few of our readers who are actually able minded). After about fifteen minutes of sitting out on my hot deck it came to me that maybe the Red Worm is responsible for this flavor changing. You know about the Red Worm don't you? Well, you ought to, since it threatens the internet of each and every single nerd on the planet, even the biggest nerd of them all, the king nerd, Nerd Incarnate, Bill Gates. The Red Worm is a virus that was unleashed by those crafty communists, the Chinese. It infects windows based servers, and on the 28th of every month it launches out a ton of info to the White House. This is terrible news, and not only because they'll soon find out about all that illegal porn I have, but also because it's likely to have infected the computers in candy factories everywhere! The same computers that decide which amount of which substance goes into the flavor mix to make candy taste like fruit! So, this computers go on the fritz and start mixing things up however they want, and then on the 28th of every month, the computers send all the real fruit flavor to the White House, leaving only the sugar, water, and other sugar left, with the faint remnants of fruit flavor that might have been absorbed into the water. Wait...did I say terrible up there? Now you can really tell that I'm tired. That's excellent news! The Red Worm is keeping candy taste like goodness and love. All hail the Chinese, them and all their damned worms! They know how to make their candy!

I'm figuring it's only a matter of time before they make real fruit taste like synthetic fruit. It's probably possible, they'll just have to alter it's genetic makeup, something like that. All of a sudden fruit sales will go up, because people will then be able to believe that they're eating healthy and eating candy at the same time. They just got a great deal! My God I hate it when I'm this tired. I'm talking out of my ass, about how candy tastes better than fruit. Well no crap! It's candy! It's supposed to! I'm going to take a nap, and no more candy for me, I haven't taken my worm medication recently, so I'm at risk.
  • Current Music
    I Hear You Calling - gob
hell's kitten

umm...

Here's a passage from something by the skittle guy...

At anyrate, a bunch of scientists working inside a small banana shaped submarine located somewhere in Lake Eerie discovered this horrible side effect. They were testing out all the different applications aspirin had, and how much aspirin it took to make you feel like a gorilla with herpes. What the scientists didn't know was that I had already figured out that it's impossible to feel like a gorilla with herpes no matter how much aspirin you consume, it's all about how many sheep you kiss on the buttocks. But that didn't stop them. It was probably for the best that they went meddling with science because they discovered something quite important, something that would change the aspirin taking habits of humans and fat people alike!
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    Sanctified - Nine Inch Nails
hell's kitten

ever feel like killing yourself?

from the skittle guy:

I've always been okay with death, mostly because I've experienced it since I was a very little kid. I've had several of my close relatives die while I was still young, and so from the get go, and I've had friends that have died as well. Because of this, I've realized that death is a very real and very permanent thing. So I do not fear death, rather, I fear the wasting of life.

As far as I see it, you've got one shot here, so you'd better make it count. We've got very little time in the broad scheme of things, VERY little time. We can't be sure that there is an afterlife, sure some of us might have faith in what our religion tells us, but again, we can't even be sure that that certain religion holds any truth whatsoever. All we have is records that could even be legends, that have been passed down for centuries. What makes Greek myths myths and the Bible history? You just can't tell. A friend of mine posted up an excerpt from an article about life and death on Malleable a little bit ago, which states basically what I ponder during these particular deep thought sessions.

The excerpt said that everything we know in this world is finite, which is very true. But we like to believe that our souls however are infinite, after our physical body dies, our spiritual one goes somewhere else, for the next stage of our existence. We have no proof that we have souls, and what makes us different than any of the other animals or creatures on this planet that supposedly don't have souls? I don't see how being able to reason makes us have the need for a soul, it just means that we have a bigger brain.

Why can't we be finite? I think there's a very good possibility that we are. That we just stop. It's hard to fathom, but it is possible. Sure, you can't think of one day not waking up, not being there, but that's only because you won't be there. We think this way because all we've ever known is waking up the next day and going on about our lives, but sometimes it's time to learn something new, in which case you know something else. I think it's time we know that our life is our only chance.

Maybe there is an afterlife, maybe there isn't. But on the chance that there isn't, you'd better make damn sure you're doing what you want now, because you'll never be able to again.

That's why I can't seem to accept wasting my time, my life on things like school, more school, and work. Our society has built up a system that EVERYONE MUST follow, otherwise apparently you're life is useless. From the time you're a small child to the time you're a grown adult, you go through different stages of education, that will supposedly prepare you for the real world. And what is the real world exactly? More work of course. We must work so that we can work. But why do we work? So that we can get money so that we can survive and have happiness? But will we really be happy if all we're doing is picking petals off of the small flower that is our life?

As far as I'm concerned, if you want to do something, do it right away. If a good opportunity arises, don't pass it up. It's not likely to come around again, so you'd better get at it while the getting's good. Unfortunately, doing some things might be temporarily delayed due to our great society's even greater system. A system that wears people out and throws them in the garbage. A greedy system that never gives back what it takes. A system that will eventually destroy itself and everybody and everything caught up in it.

That's why I see things like school and work absolutely pointless. We're wasting our life. We should get only the necessities and then go off to do whatever we want. If we want to work, then work. But only do what makes you happy because you have very little time to be happy. The problem is that doing this would collapse the system even quicker, cause chaos, and put an end everything. I doubt there is any way to always be happy, and to always have things go well.

But, what if we simply spent less time working and going to school? What classes do we simply not need? Second languages? For kids in Catholic school, do you really need religion? Do we really need how to diagram a sentence? Do we need to know math that will only help us if we design space ships? I think that only people planning to design space ships should learn this, since it's useless to anybody else. Why waste our time on things we don't need, won't use, and bring our lives down? We should be able to devote more time to doing what we want to do than what we don't even have to do but supposedly have to do.

Live your life with no regrets. And if you have regrets already, which you must, do your best to fix them. Writing this entire thing up makes me a hypocrite, since of course I will falter. But, I will do my best to do what I can to make my life go as well as I want it to. Some things are out of my control right now, but once I do have control I will make sure that I do everything that is in my power to do what I want to do and never look back and frown. Do your best as well, because this is our only time.
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    Nothing Compares 2 U - Prince (shaddap)
hell's kitten

(no subject)

heres my (late) new years resolution. i usually never come up with one until about halfway throught the year anyway, so i'm right on time. :-) anyway, i'm gonna cuss more often. yep, *more* often. just cuz i want to. and cuz i can. what better time to start than now? fuck you!!!!
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    Machine Gun - Sum41
hell's kitten

power outage

The power went out about an hour ago for an hour. You know you're too wired when the power goes out and you realize you have nothing to do and are immediately bored. I drove around for that hour. About 3 of the 5 stoplights in town were out, too. People were pretty good about taking turns, too, surprisingly. Most of the town has stop signs, so we're used to it.

I saw Phillip driving around, too. We weren't exactly friends at school, but we were friendly towards one another. He saw me, recognized me, and waved. It took a minute for me to figure out who it was (damned tinted windows) but I did and waved back. Now, I don't have a crush on him, but for some reason, that made me happy. I like it when people I hardly know are nice to me. :-)

Damn it, people, yield signs are NOT stop signs!!!!! Theres this one stoplight that to turn right, theres a different lane and just a yield sign, instead of the stoplight. The speed limit is 35, and you can get by with slowing down to only about 25 if no cars are coming. I was behind this person, who *stopped*. Came to a full stop on this little lane where the yield sign was. They acted like it was a stop sign. I'd've been okay if a car was coming, but it was a fucking red light for anyone who would've come in front of us. God, that pissed me off. Theres NO NEED TO STOP!!!!!

DAMMIT!!! Someone just called me and I picked up the phone in time to hear their reciever click as they hung up. And my FUCKING caller ID is FUCKED up for who knows why, so I have no idea who it was. And they might not even call me back, thinking "oh, she has caller id, she'll see i called and call me back" cuz usually i do. but nooooooooooooo, my caller id has to go and be mean like that....
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    Razorblade Kiss - HIM
hell's kitten

(no subject)

from tmf.com (the skittle guy again)...i love this and completely agree:

Some of the censoring that MTV does is just ridiculous though. Words like "hash", "doggy style", "pill", "bust a cap" are bleeped out, yet words like "suicide" and "nigga" get through, and so do the ghetto bitches who are covered by nothing but band aids. I think hearing the word "hash" is a lot less detrimental to a kids development that staring a girl backing it up in their face all the time. I dunno, maybe it's just me.
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    Boulevard - Bowling For Soup
hell's kitten

(no subject)

lol...these websites are hilarious

People claimed Joe Camel marketed tobacco to kids. Bullshit. Think of all the forest fires that got started just to piss Smokey the Bear off. Kids hate you. They hate your irrational bitchy asses. Nicotine barely makes you high. You can smoke 50 cigarettes, and still get about as high as you would if you held your breath for half a minute. So they're not doing it to get high, and the fact that most of us are still sane after the Super Friends and the Banana Splits proves that kids don't base their lives on what cartoon animals say. Fuck Joe Camel. They're doing it because they know that if their lobbying parents are trying to get rid of something, it must kick ass. Remember video games, sex, alcohol, not being somebody, drugs, and fire hazards? Of course you don't. Because the Russians don't want you to.
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    Democracy- - The Damned