August 14th, 2002

hell's kitten


As I may or may not have mentioned, I saw Your Friends and Neighbors a day or so ago. In doing so, I discovered a, um, band named Apocalyptica. These guys kick ass. I heard one of their songs during the opening credits and had to download some. I was not disappointed.

Collapse )
hell's kitten

Ripped from somewhere on the net...

You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk
of four cows. You are surprised when the cow drops dead.

You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.

You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of
an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create
clever cow cartoon images called Cowkimon and market them World-Wide.

You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat
once a month, and milk themselves.

You have two cows. Both are mad.

You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You break for

You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You
count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and
learn you have 12 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle
of vodka.

You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you. You charge others for
storing them.

You have two cows. You worship them.

You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim full
employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who
reported the numbers.

So, there are these two Jewish cows, right? They open a milk factory, an
ice cream store, and then sell the movie rights. They send their calves
to Harvard to become doctors. So, who needs people?

You have two sheep. That one on the left is kinda cute...
hell's kitten

1st annual DUH awards

These are from a forward I recieved. I didn't write the comments, they were included.

"I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever." --Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.

"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff," -- Mariah Carey

"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life." --- Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for a federal antismoking campaign.

"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body," -- Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.

"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country," -- Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC. [it helps to read crime stats when you're stoned]

"We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees," -- Jason Kidd, upon his drafting to the Dallas Mavericks.

"That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it," -- A congressional candidate in Texas.

"I don't feel we did wrong in taking this great country away from them. There were great numbers of people who needed new land, and the Indians were selfishly trying to keep it for
themselves." -- John Wayne [just because they've been here 10,000 years, you'd think they had rights or something]

"Half this game is ninety percent mental." -- Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark [Danny was never really good at the stats part of baseball]

"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it." -- Al Gore, Vice President

"If you let that sort of thing go on, your bread and butter will be cut right out from under your feet," -- Former British foreign minister, Ernest Bevin.

"I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix." -- Dan Quayle [days like this....I really miss Dan]

"It's no exaggeration to say that the undecideds could go one way or another" -- George Bush, US President

"We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?" -- Lee Iacocca [not all of us can afford mink-lined oxygen masks, Lee]

"I was provided with additional input that was radically different from the truth. I assisted in furthering that version," -- Colonel Oliver North, from his Iran-Contra testimony. [Lied. Say
it slowly, Ollie....L-I-E-D]

"The word "genius" isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein," -- Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst.

"We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people." -- Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor.

"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure." - Bill Clinton, President

"We are ready for an unforeseen event that may or may not occur." -- Al Gore, VP

"Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas." -- Keppel Enderbery

"The loss of life will be irreplaceable." -- Dan Quayle

"I was recently on a tour of Latin America, and the only regret I have is that I didn't study my Latin harder in school so I could converse with those people." -- Dan Quayle, VP [I mean it, I really do miss him!]

"It is wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago!" -- Dan Quayle, VP

"Hawaii is a unique state. It is a small state. It is a state that is by itself. It is different from the other 49 states. Well, all states are different, but it's got a particularly unique situation." -- Dan Quayle, VP [they made him swim home after that one]

"Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances." -- Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina [right after you call the New York Times]

"We apologize for the error in last week's paper in which we stated that Mr. Arnold Dogbody was a defective in the police force. We meant, of course, that Mr. Dogbody is a detective in the police farce." -- Correction Notice in the Ely Standard, a British newspaper

"If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead,
there'll be a record." -- Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman [and they'll cut off your food stamps, too]
hell's kitten

(no subject)

My shoulder hurts like it needs to be bent and stretched in a certain way, but I cant figure out what that certain way is.

Look. It's me. I made me.
hell's kitten

loooooong word

Gee, you learn something new everyday:

the longest word in the english language, ornicopythebibliopsychocrystarroscioaerogenethliometeoraustroanthropoichthyopyrosiderochpnomyoalectryoophiobotanopegohydrorhabdocrithoaleuroalphitohalomolybdoclerobeloaxinocoscinodactyliogeolithopessopsephocatoptrotephraoneirchiroonychodactyloarithstichooxogeloscogastrogyrocerobletonooenoscapulinaniac.

it has 310 letters... i don't know how many syllables cause i can't pronounce it... but yes it is a real word. medieval scribes used this word to refer to "a deluded human who practices divination or forecasting by means of phenomena, interpretation of acts, or other manifestations related to the following animate or inanimate objects and appearances: birds oracles, bible, ghosts, crystal gazing, shadows, air appearences, birth stars, meteors, winds, sacrificial appearances, entrails of humans and fishes, fire, red-hot irons, altar smoke, mice, grain picking by rooster, snakes, herbs, fountains, water, wands, dough, meal, barley, salt, lead, dice, arrows, hatchet balance, sieve, ring suspension, random dots, precious stones, pebbles, pebble heaps, mirrors, ash writing, dreams, palmistry, nail rays, finger rings, numbers, book passages, name letterings, laughing manners, ventriloquism, circle walking, wax, susceptibility to hidden springs, wine, and shoulder blades".

that was long.

DAmmit, I tried to google search for it, but it wouldnt let me type the whole thing in. :-(
hell's kitten


part of Relient K's tour dates...fuckers skip us...

10/8 - Mesa, AZ - Nile Theater
10/10 – Dallas, TX – Gypsy Tea Room
hell's kitten

betcha never knew this...

1. Mosquito repellents don't repel. They hide you.
2. The spray blocks the mosquito's sensors so they don't know you're there.
3. Dentists have recommended that a toothbrush be kept at least 6 feet away from a toilet to avoid airborne particles resulting from the flush.
4. The liquid inside young coconuts can be used as substitute for blood plasma.
5. No piece of paper can be folded in half more than 7 times.
6. Donkeys kill more people annually than plane crashes.
7. You burn more calories sleeping than you do watching television.
8. Oak trees do not produce acorns until they are fifty years of age or older.
9. The first product to have a bar code was Wrigley's gum.
10. The king of hearts is the only king without a mustache.
11. A Boeing 747s wingspan is longer than the Wright brother's first flight.
12. American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating 1 olive from each salad served in first-class.
13. Venus is the only planet that rotates clockwise.
14. Apples, not caffeine, are more efficient at waking you up in the morning.
15. The plastic things on the end of shoelaces are called aglets.
16. Most dust particles in your house are made from dead skin.
17. The first owner of the Marlboro Company died of lung cancer.
18. Barbie's full name is Barbara Millicent Roberts.
19. Michael Jordan makes more money from Nike annually than all of the Nike factory workers in Malaysia combined.
20. Marilyn Monroe had six toes.
21. All US Presidents have worn glasses. Some just didn't like being seen wearing them in public.
22. Walt Disney was afraid of mice.
23. Pearls melt in vinegar.
24. Thirty-five percent of the people who use personal ads for dating are already married.
25. The three most valuable brand names on earth Marlboro, Coca Cola, and Budweiser, in that order.
26. It is possible to lead a cow upstairs...but not downstairs.
27. A duck's quack doesn't echo and no one knows why.
28. The reason firehouses have circular stairways is from the days when the engines were pulled by horses. The horses were stabled on the ground floor and figured out how to walk up straight staircases.
29. Richard Millhouse Nixon was the first US president whose name contains all the letters from the word "criminal."
30. Turtles can breathe through their butts.
hell's kitten

drowning pool singer found dead...

Drowning Pool singer Dave Williams was found dead on the band's tour bus this afternoon. The quartet from Dallas, Texas has been performing as one of the main stage attractions on Ozzfest. The cause of death has yet to be determined.

was okay, but I LOVED Tear Away....That's so sad....*sniff*.....