Don't waste time or time will waste you (phyxius) wrote,
Don't waste time or time will waste you

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explanation of the social status change in the past year and a half

Yeah...that was confusing...I though Chiara hated me. Oh well, if any of them want to be friends with me, including Jonathon, Cheyenne, or anyone else in their "group" besides Pablo, they're gonna have to work at it. Which I *really* doubt they'll do. I'm not just going to be nice to them the second they decide to be nice to me. I've done that for the past 15 years of my life and it gives them all the power. that means they get to decide when we become friends again. Come to think of it, I dont think I want to be friends with any of them. If they let emmy influence them that much, then they're shit. Especially Tanya and Robert. They've never talked to me, yet they hate me. I dont know which is worse, actually. People who I knew for 3 months hating me for no reason or people I've never talked to hating me for no reason. And when I say no reason, I literally mean no reason. I suppose I should go into this now. *takes deep breath*.

I moved here August of 2000. I met people, but didnt really get to know anyone till about September '00. These people were extremely nice to me, and accepting. When I meet people for the first time, I'm really laid back and quiet. So i did that, and learned a few things about them. 1) Rock music is in. Especially Korn. 2) Absolutely no pop music allowed. Theres a lot of verbally abusing nsync and bsb. I was fine with this. Yeah, i did have the first two of both bands cds, but i hardly ever listened to them (yes, occasionally), and was more into rock, like they were. when the verbal abuse of nsync and bsb started, i was quiet, and since, then, thats how i usually was, they didnt notice anything. but one day....they found out. i usually take my portable cd player to school, cuz i can concentrate on whatever i'm doing better when i'm listening to music. i keep it in the pocket of my jacket for easy access :-)

One evening, mid-december, i was home alone, and there was an nsync christmas special on tv, and i decided, what the hell, i'll watch it. another hobby of mine is to pick out songs on the keyboard by ear, and i almost always can get at least the chorus in the first try. i was doing that while watching nsync on tv. i decided that nsync songs are really easy to play, so i put my....i think it was no strings attached cd in my portable cd player and had fun with that. the next day, i took my cd player to school, forgetting to change the cd (can you see where this is going?).

that day, after school, we were all hanging out at our usual spot and i had to go to the bathroom, and asked my friends to take care of my jacket. when i came back, i saw juliana bopping her head back and forth with a huge smile on her face. i dont remember exactly who said what, but everyone knew, and i denied it (i have no idea how i denied that) and they obviously didnt believe me. let me defend myself here...I had just moved here 3 or 4 months ago, and had known these people for even less than that. what i *had* learned, however, like i've said before, was that pop music was a big no-no. a BIG no-no. being 14 and just wanting to be accepted, i couldnt think of anything else to do. surprisingly, no one brought it up for a while after that.

starting about january, i noticed emmy started to become a huge bitch. but, me being my then-usual clingy, turn-the-other-cheek, desperate-for-friends self, i ignored it. around march or april '01 (a few months after the "nsync incident" as it came to be called and one year ago) emmy started ignoring me, and not including me. she'd be a real bitch. i asked her about it one time. i said (i was incredibly nice about it, too)..well, i cant remember exactly, but something like "why do you hate me?" she turned her back to me and mumbled "fuck off" therefore, i had no way to communicate with her, since she refused to talk to me, therefore, there was no way to resolve this fight. in february, me, kira, juliana and emmy went to a godsmack/staind concert. that was my first concert ever (new mexico SUCKS ASS when it comes to the music scene, as i've said before) and i was really excited. i really did (and do) like godsmack, and staind. they're awesome. during the concert, me and emmy actually were getting along. i thought "wow, shes changed her mind, and we can be friends again!" i didnt care why, i just didnt want to lose one of my closest friends (we were in a class, CS, together that did things after school, and i was with her in that almost every other day after school, therefore, i was around her the most, therefore i thought she was my best friend, and now i realize all the time that was spent together might've been what drove her to this)

meanwhile, our "group" kinda split into 2. james left altogether (but thats a completely different story for another time), me, lauren, caleb, kira, juliana and ali clumped together, and emmy stayed with amanda, chiara, pablo, jonathon, cheyenne and became better friends with people who were only, i guess, acquaintances. they became the "goths" or "extremes". you can probably picture what i mean by this. keep in mind, we live in a tiny, suck-ass town full of christians who listen to only country music, rap/hiphop, or spanish music. thats why I gravitated towards this (original) group of people...the only ones who liked anything else. my point is, that when i say "goths" and "extremes", if you live in a big city, take the "goth" group where you live, and tone it down 500 times. they wear usually all black, occasionally black nailpolish, and wear stuff you see in hot topic. shirts that say "i hear voices....they dont like you" instead of ones that say "princess" like the rest of the school does. you get my point....anyway...where was i going?

oh yeah, anyway, over the summer, i hung out with just caleb, kira, lauren and juliana (they're what i'm going to call my group). at one point I decided to email emmy. i'd be really polite, and just ask for a simple explanation as to why she's ignoring me (and being a bitch, but i didnt say that). i got back an extremely rude email basically saying "you know why i hate you, dont talk to me" i emailed back, again very nicely (damn my niceness) saying "no, i dont...just tell me" im not sure how long that went on, but eventually i got a few emails saying i was a poser, supporting it with things like "you only went to the godsmack concert because we did" ( you know whats going on inside my mind) and "you wear perky-ass shirts and then claim to be gothic" (since when did i claim to be gothic?? and if you call blue, normal, kmart tshirts "perky", then yeah, i do) and "you wear high-water, wanna-be baggy pants" (first, my pants arent highwaters...second, i'm 5' you know how hard it is to find pants that fit skinny 5'10 people???). so basically, she was saying i'm a poser (she used that word, and still does, quite often) because my clothes arent they way she thinks they should be...riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight. no matter how hard i, or any of my friends (at that point, we were still in the transition period, where we had some of the same friends) could get any other excuse or reason out of her. so, we all came to the conclusion that she hates me for no reason. i kept emailing emmy, and then i got one from emmys email address from amanda bitching me out. 70% insults, 30% lies (lies like the ones emmy had said). amanda tends to cuss a lot, whether she's mad or not, and she really let loose on this.

there was also conflict between amanda and lauren, but, for now, i wont go into that. so amanda and lauren werent speaking, and emmy and i werent speaking. lauren and emmy were still friends, and, until then i thought so were amanda and i. that was the first i heard of amanda hating me. again, for no reason. the rest of our friends tried to stay neutral. juliana tried for a while to be the mediator, but that clearly didnt work. i dont know where i was going with that. anyway, then school started again and there were 2 new people. robert, a year older than us, 11th grade, and his sister tanya, a year younger than us, 9th grade. they got sucked into the emmy cult. emmy has brainwashed everyone, minus my group, that i'm a horrible person. i dont know how she does it, i havent given her any reason to support that, but her whole group hates me, including tanya and robert, who've never met me.

except for pablo. he's awesome. he's still nice to me, and says hi to me in the hall. that baffles me. no part of that makes any sense. it seems that people look up to pablo more than emmy, but then how does emmy have more power over them than pablo?? pablo is a big "scary" guy. he's 6 foot something, kinda overweight, dresses *exclusively* in black, takes better care of his 2-inch nails than most girls do, they're always black. his hair is a different color every week (or day). he used to wear cat contacts, but the school got mad about that, calling it a distraction (again, that another story). people in school who dont know them would say they practice witchcraft and worship the devil (again, another story). pablo even got suspended for "putting a curse on someone" (again, another story...i'll *have* to tell that one...he was literally just reading his spanish homework!!!!)

anyway, my point is, that pablo is the kind of guy that 99% of people would be afraid of if just meeting. he's actually the nicest guy i've ever met. anyway, their whole group treats him as the leader, and thats why it confuses me that he doesnt have more influence on them than emmy. i think thats, its like this: emmy, amanda, tanya, robert, jonathon, chiara, cheyenne, ricky, tiffany, and pablo. all of whom hate me, except for pablo. and its: me, lauren, juliana, kira, caleb, joby (sometimes), all of whom are friends with everyone.

emmy hates me with a passion, too. i mean *hates* me. she (possibly they) makes fun of my hair.....and the fact that i like blink 182...and they call me gay...and.....just about everything else you could imagine that doesnt mean a thing. i dont mind. its just more proof that they dont actually have any reasons. the only thing that keeps popping up is the nsync incident...that was a year and a half ago...GET OVER IT!!!

I honestly dont mind this hating thing. i even have power over her in some cases. she didnt go to homecoming for the sole reason that i was there. she didnt go to one of juliana's get-togethers for the sole reason that i was there. :-D i dont mind that at all. they're not even doing anything to me except ignoring me. they were going to put superglue in my hair a few weeks ago, but that never happened. sometimes i find used gum in my locker, but its always stuck to the inside of the locker door, so i just use a pen and flick it off.

i think thats the whole story. if you read it, congratulations. anyway, thats why i'm so confused as to why chiara was being nice to me earlier today. now i'm going to separate that whole thing into paragraphs and post it. :-D


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