Don't waste time or time will waste you (phyxius) wrote,
Don't waste time or time will waste you
phyxius

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This life is more than just a read-through

It's times like these I catch myself wondering if there is such a thing as fate, or that things are supposed to happen the way they do.

I just watched a Dr Who episode, one of the newest ones, and the situation was just a little too familiar for comfort. For those who don't know, Rose, a 18 year old blonde, is travelling around the universe, time and space, with the Doctor in his time machine. This episode was called Father's Day. Her dad died when she was little and they decide to go back to 1987, to the day her dad died. They do, she ends up saving her dad, which alters the course of history, and they have to change it back, etc etc. Of course the time travel part isn't the familiar part. But there was a very emotional scene with Rose and her dad who she never really knew, that I couldn't help see a parallel with this dream I had. I had to try so fucking hard not to get too involved in or cry during that scene.

We got into a conversation and I brought up the time travel conference thing that I posted in here about a few weeks ago and realized I hadnt heard any reports on who showed up. I should look that up. (edit: Update: The convention was a mixed success. Unfortunately, we had no confirmed time travelers visit us, yet many time travelers could have attended incognito to avoid endless questions about the future. We had a great series of lectures, awesome bands, and even a DeLorean. Well, awww, where's the fun in that? Sounds like the last place I'd want to go if I had a time machine...) And I remembered that guy that emailed me who said he was a time traveller, but his time machine broke and he was trying to find a specific part that hadnt been invented yet. I wonder if he found out about the conference - Betcha they could've helped him out. ;)

Then on my drive home I listened to Loveline. For those who don't know, it's a really good national radio show that gives love advice, answers to drug questions, etc. One host is a certified doctor, the other is a comedian, and they work really well together and give great advice. I've been listening to them for at least 5 years and have learned a shitload, mostly about sex and drugs. And since I was so socially isolated growing up, it was a big help. Anyway, tonight, a 19 year old girl called in, I forget why, and was talking about how her father died when she was younger, of a sudden massive heart attack. But, she said, at least he died after living a happy life, he was with his family who loved him, etc, what better way could you ask for. Well, the host of Loveline said, you could ask for him not to die, they chuckled. At which point, I yelled at the radio "No you couldnt! That would fuck up history as it is supposed to be!" I was only half serious, but I was halfserious. I don't know.

Perfect timing, too, Mom and I are planning a trip out to my dad's grave in Madrid to spend the night camping. We havent been out there in years.

I've had weird "is-there-something-bigger-than-what-we-know" moments before. Like I still like to think my dad gave me his truck in a roundabout way. My head doesnt want to accept it for what it is, but I really want to have that.

But I'm a fucking atheist. I really am. See? It's true. So why can't I pick a side? Do there have to be sides?

Tonight I heard on the radio, some spoof-radio ad by the edge that went something like "Attention, this is a test. Attention ladies and gentlemen. In the event that you actually have a brain, we would like to wash it." I thought that was hilarious, especially since I had just posted about my mom brainwashing me. That's not a word I use everyday.

And, as it turns out, I share a birthday with the Launchpad. How fucking awesome is that? THere's no one/thing that I'd rather share a birthday with than the Launchpad. They're having an allday show/party thing on Saturday:

Launchpad Birthday Party!!!: KI * Fast Heart Mart * End To End * Gingerbread Patriots * Of God & Science * Pontius Violet * Unit 7 Drain * Last In Line * September's Fade * Follow * Rage Against Martin Sheen * Soular * Rebilt * Anesthesia * Surf Lords * Old Man Shattered * The Mindy Set * Amber Avenue * One For Hope * The Sleestaks * Lousy Robot * Beefcake in Chains * The Dirty Novels * Sin Serenade * Lowlights * The Gracchi * Icky & The Yuks * Feels Like Sunday *** Doors 11am *** Food All Day, Breakfast, Lunch , Dinner

and I kinda want to go because that kicks so much ass. But I'm having a party of my own at 6pm... But not very many people have confirmed.... lalabob11? Yes? No? IT's not like people can just drop by, since, like I've said, you need a high clearance, 4x4 vehicle to get out here, so I have to know in advance to organize rides out there. I should call people tomorrow and find out who can/t come. Anyway, if it's just like 3 or 4 of us, maybe we should go to the Lanchpad instead of hanging out at my house. Then we could meet Caleb there if he wanted to. He cant come because he's stuck in abq, but if we go there then that wouldnt be a problem. Hey, maybe I could finally meet the_velmakelly. It's about time.

I'd so love to live in a city that does things like this. I wish I was there. What am I thinking - New Mexico summers and Vancouver winters? Am I crazy? It should be vice versa. But alas, that doesnt work with my current situation. Once I can control my situation more, I will try to make it so.

I've been in a longstanding debate with myself about, well, animals, and my actions towards them. I'm not a vegetarian, though I tried several years ago and it lasted like a week. I'm picky enough with my food, and meat is something I can pretty much always enjoy. However, I can never bring myself to kill spiders/crickets/scorpions/bugs/insects that I find in my room. I'm not scared of them, I just capture them and put them outside. But if they're annoying me, I'm not as merciful. This morning there was a small spider in my shower and I washed it down the drain. Again, why can't I pick a side? I reflexively brake if a rabbit/coyote/roadrunner runs in front of my car, but I don't even think once (let alone twice) about bugs that hit my windshield. Where do you draw the line? If I realized (somehow) I'd ran over a lizard would it bother me? I hit a deer once, but not very hard, and when I got out of the car it had ran away. I have no fucking idea what I would've done if I'd killed it. But today, a cat ran directly in front of me, running across the road at the very last second, and I found myself thinking "Stupid cat!! I sort of wish I had hit it. Cats as stupid as that have no business reproducing." The smart cats that know to stay away from giant fast metal objects should be "rewarded with life!" (as someone once put it to me).

God, it's incredible what an effect our sense of smell can have. It's amazing how we'll smell something and spend ten minutes going "Oooh, that smells like.... *sniff*... like... *sniff*..." and it'll take you back to a memory that's 10 years old and hasn't occurred to you in just as long.

ooh, lookie. It's almost 2am. I'm such a rebel. :P
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